{"id":201,"date":"2009-08-05T16:34:00","date_gmt":"2009-08-05T16:34:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=201"},"modified":"2009-08-05T16:34:00","modified_gmt":"2009-08-05T16:34:00","slug":"auntie-stacey-is-a-slacker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=201","title":{"rendered":"Auntie Stacey is a slacker."},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"justify\">I missed the birthdays for my sister&#8217;s kids this year. All. Of. Them. The fact that I can&#8217;t even <em>remember<\/em> if I did anything last year for their birthdays is irrelevant. Most of last year I was in a drunken haze. So this year, I set up reminders on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.birthdayalarm.com\/\">Birthday Alarm<\/a> to help me with my alcohol-induced amnesia. Yeah, well&#8230;I think I need to upgrade to the package where they send you a messenger that repeatedly pokes you with a special event cattle prod until you actually DO something to acknowledge the event. To them, not you. It&#8217;s all about THEM, remember?<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m the fucking world&#8217;s worst aunt.<\/p>\n<p>So here I am, almost a week AFTER the last of their birthdays, and I am just now getting their cards done. I started with my neice&#8217;s card. I figure that at 12, she is much more likely to get my humor than the other two (but I toned it down even for her &#8211; no need to traumatize her any more than is standard for the near teenage years). So here is how I try to somehow redeem myself:<\/div>\n<p><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><\/p>\n<div align=\"justify\">Yep I know *exactly* how late I am with this. I do. Many days lately, I am a slacker. Auntie Stacey is a slacker! LOL Even though I am a slacker, I promise you I was thinking of you on your birthday. Were your ears burnin&#8217;? I telepathically sent you lots of love, so if you all of a sudden felt warmth and surrounded by a big invisible hug, that was me. \ud83d\ude42 We hope you had a great birthday! You&#8217;ve grown so fast and I can&#8217;t forget holding you when you were a baby. Ok I&#8217;ll stop embarrassing you now! Just know we love you! Happy Belated Birthday!<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><\/p>\n<div align=\"justify\">I hope she likes it and forgives me for being such a slacker. Maybe next year will be better. Depends on how much I drink, I guess.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I missed the birthdays for my sister&#8217;s kids this year. All. Of. Them. The fact that I can&#8217;t even remember if I did anything last year for their birthdays is irrelevant. Most of last year I was in a drunken haze. So this year, I set up reminders on Birthday Alarm to help me with &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=201\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Auntie Stacey is a slacker.<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49,24,37,29,54],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-201","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alcohol-is-good","category-am-i-the-only-one-who-thinks-this-is-funny","category-birthdays-should-be-banned","category-family","category-procrastinator-thy-name-is-stacey"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Auntie Stacey is a slacker. - Tales of a Former Utah Hostage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=201\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Auntie Stacey is a slacker. - Tales of a Former Utah Hostage\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I missed the birthdays for my sister&#8217;s kids this year. All. Of. Them. The fact that I can&#8217;t even remember if I did anything last year for their birthdays is irrelevant. Most of last year I was in a drunken haze. 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