{"id":212,"date":"2009-07-09T16:43:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-09T16:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=212"},"modified":"2009-07-09T16:43:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-09T16:43:00","slug":"its-totally-ok-if-it-itches-in-public","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=212","title":{"rendered":"It&#8217;s totally OK if it itches in public."},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"justify\">I was reading a post from this <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcknob.com\/2009\/07\/what-does-this-tell-me.html\">awesome blog I recently started following<\/a>. The part about a toddler complaining about poopie in her ba&#8217;gina got me thinking (after I got up from rolling around on the floor of course).<\/p>\n<p>The sperm donor&#8217;s sister had a wonderful son John James. One day many many many MANY years ago, she caught him scratching his boy parts. Really diggin in there, apparently. The following conversation is just too GAWD DAMN FUNNY to be made up:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<blockquote>\n<div align=\"justify\">Susie: John, don&#8217;t scratch yourself there!<\/p>\n<p>John James: But it itches mommy!<\/p>\n<p>Susie: Well&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;just don&#8217;t scratch it in public.<\/p>\n<p>John James: But what if it ITCHES IN PUBLIC?????<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<div align=\"justify\">Obviously this happened <em>before<\/em> puberty set in and his brain migrated to his boy parts &amp; lost the ability to think of these things, ask them, or even give a rats ass about them (and any men reading this,you know you were snickering before you decided to be all offended).<\/div>\n<div align=\"justify\"><\/div>\n<p><\/p>\n<div align=\"justify\">Kids totally rock.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I was reading a post from this awesome blog I recently started following. The part about a toddler complaining about poopie in her ba&#8217;gina got me thinking (after I got up from rolling around on the floor of course). The sperm donor&#8217;s sister had a wonderful son John James. One day many many many MANY &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=212\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">It&#8217;s totally OK if it itches in public.<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,29,34],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-212","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-am-i-the-only-one-who-thinks-this-is-funny","category-family","category-kids-are-the-best-comic-relief"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>It&#039;s totally OK if it itches in public. - Tales of a Former Utah Hostage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=212\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"It&#039;s totally OK if it itches in public. - Tales of a Former Utah Hostage\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I was reading a post from this awesome blog I recently started following. 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