{"id":227,"date":"2009-04-17T19:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-04-17T19:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=227"},"modified":"2009-04-17T19:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-04-17T19:00:00","slug":"i-have-no-intention-of-growing-old-gracefully-i-plan-on-fighting-it-kicking-screaming-the-whole-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=227","title":{"rendered":"i have no intention of growing old gracefully…i plan on fighting it kicking & screaming the WHOLE way"},"content":{"rendered":"
i’m not old. i may be nearing 40 & blind as a bat without my contacts\/glasses, but i am NOT old. & i’m sure i will continue to say that even on the day i get put in a home. i’ve been lucky in that i don’t look my age (at least that’s what other people tell me & it’s managing to make it past the short-term memory dump i seem to have each night, so who am i to argue?). i don’t even have a problem with my age, usually. i’m not sure, but the day my son graduated from high school & the day he turned 18 might have been exceptions to that. i really don’t remember much of those days. anyway, i always say, “you’re only as old as you feel”, which helps me forget at least for a little while. tequila & beer helps too. the bottom line is that i don’t actually feel<\/em> like i’m finishing up my 4th decade on this earth.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
that was until……….<\/div>\n
i saw a piece of lint in my eyebrow recently. i started pulling on it & i became like the mother in the movie bachelor party<\/a> where she’s trying to take the ‘footlong’ off the tray from nick the dick. it wouldn’t come off! so i was all, “the hell? the HELL? OH NO! A GREY HAIR! in my EYEBROW? guess i can’t complain too much. at least it’s not a pubic hair!”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
it’s the 1st one i have ever found, but that doesn’t say much. the past 10 years i’ve been dying my hair to destroy any evidence of …… (if you’ve known me longer than that, you know, but plz don’t tell) i could have a shit load of them and just not know it. why couldn’t the grey hair be there<\/em>? then i could gladly live in blissful ignorance.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
now begins the debate: to pluck or not to pluck? you hear a lot these days how it’s bad to pluck your eyebrows. natural is better<\/em>. fuck you. if we were all natural, we’d all have bushy cavewomen unibrows. that’s attractive. i leave mine alone for the most part, except for the strays that must have come from my monkey ancestors that SO need to just stay buried in the past. and this stupid grey hair is right in the middle of my eyebrow. so what to do – leave it alone or pull that mf’r out as fast as i can? it could leave a gaping hole in my eyebrow. how would i explain that? “um, we had a little laser pointer mishap at our last staff meeting. that’s actually fucking awesome.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
i haven’t actually decided yet what to do with it, even though each time i see it i lean more towards plucking. i should just do it & get it over with. then i can go back to my mantra, even if i’m the only one who believes it. i still<\/em> don’t feel old. i just hope it doesn’t multiply & spread. the day i find a grey pubic hair will be a sad day indeed.<\/div>\n

update<\/strong> – i guess there will<\/em> come a day when even i won’t believe the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. i fell asleep during the digital scrapbooking webinar i took last nite. i’m screwed. <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

i’m not old. i may be nearing 40 & blind as a bat without my contacts\/glasses, but i am NOT old. & i’m sure i will continue to say that even on the day i get put in a home. i’ve been lucky in that i don’t look my age (at least that’s what other … Continue reading i have no intention of growing old gracefully…i plan on fighting it kicking & screaming the WHOLE way<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,24,28,26,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-age-is-a-state-of-mind","category-am-i-the-only-one-who-thinks-this-is-funny","category-lifes-injustices","category-misc-rantings","category-the-method-to-my-madness"],"yoast_head":"\ni have no intention of growing old gracefully...i plan on fighting it kicking & screaming the WHOLE way - 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