{"id":247,"date":"2009-02-06T17:14:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-06T17:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=247"},"modified":"2009-02-06T17:14:00","modified_gmt":"2009-02-06T17:14:00","slug":"breakfast-of-champions-maybe-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=247","title":{"rendered":"breakfast of champions&#8230;.. maybe not&#8230;.."},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"justify\">my work brings in free breakfast each friday, which i will greatly miss when my job ends up in the shitter. it&#8217;s not anything spectacular &#8230;.. muffins or doughnuts mostly with the occasional bagels thrown in. sometimes i just wonder if this company is secretly trying to make us all fat. it could happen.<\/p>\n<p>today&#8217;s treat is muffins. and not just any ol&#8217; muffins &#8230;&#8230;. COSTCO muffins! a few of the mixed muffin packages with some fruit thrown in for those that refuse to subject themselves to the gelatenous mess (i will explain) that is the costco muffin. i generally gravitate to the blueberry muffin when there is one bcuz i&#8217;ve been waiting for the inevitable throng of people to subside (free food??? HELL YEAH!!!!!). and when there isn&#8217;t, chocolate\/chocolate chip, bcuz apparently i just don&#8217;t have enough self-loathing these days.<\/p>\n<p>i manage to get to the break room while there is still a blueberry or two left. they don&#8217;t look the greatest, but then again it is free food. i then stop to talk to a co-worker about mindless shit, cuz it&#8217;s friday. i start picking off the top of the muffin and eating it, cuz i&#8217;m freakin&#8217; STARVING. i notice that the muffin itself is blue, and not just the blueberries. i&#8217;m guessing the baker was just f&#8217;n lazy this morning and couldn&#8217;t bother him\/herself to DRAIN the berries before adding them to the batter. Cuz, it takes all of, like, 10 SECONDS????? moving on &#8230;.. i take off the top of the middle, and have to ask &#8220;when did they put PUDDING in muffins?&#8221; and then i realize &#8230;.. my 1st thought was EWWWWWWWW! remember still talking about mindless shit with my co-worker so anything more coherent is probably out of the question. and then i start to wonder just how hungry am i? so i finish my conversation, refusing to touch the now questionably revolting muffin in my hand, and head back to my desk. by then i&#8217;m remembering how starving i really am and decide that i can totally pick around it. so i end up scooping out the &#8220;gelatenous mess&#8221; from the middle and finish my breakfast. what a way to start the morning! i&#8217;m so thankful it&#8217;s friday&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>my work brings in free breakfast each friday, which i will greatly miss when my job ends up in the shitter. it&#8217;s not anything spectacular &#8230;.. muffins or doughnuts mostly with the occasional bagels thrown in. sometimes i just wonder if this company is secretly trying to make us all fat. it could happen. today&#8217;s &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/theutahhostage.com\/?p=247\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">breakfast of champions&#8230;.. maybe not&#8230;..<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[58,32,26,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-food-the-root-of-all-evil","category-freakin-weird-shit","category-misc-rantings","category-the-method-to-my-madness"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - 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