I\u2019m home after being gone for days. Not because I want to be, but because I need to be. That said, I have hated every minute since I stepped through my door tonight. It\u2019s horribly quiet in here, even with everything going on around me right now.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s been a week since we had Ash hospitalized. Unfortunately, she is still there, and we don\u2019t know for sure when she will be discharged. There was talk of possibly letting her out tomorrow, but her doctor let that cat out of the bag, against my wishes, which got in the way of the progress she was making. However, I have a feeling that the hospital is going to play the insurance card here sometime soon and she will come home.<\/p>\n
A lot has happened this past week: I managed to piss Ash off during my first visit with her; I have spoken with her doctor and therapist quite a few different times; we have had two family therapy sessions; Ash, on her own, asked Tim to visit her up at the hospital; and Tim and The Ex physically met for the first time. So far, no one has died.<\/p>\n
We all, the three \u201cparents\u201d in her life and her treatment team at the hospital, seem to be in agreement that the \u201cvoices\u201d Ash claims to be hearing are not actually psychotic events, but more of the internal dialogue of thoughts in her head. We are all on the same page about not prescribing her any meds. We also all agree that she needs to focus on her coping skills, including getting better at identifying when she actually needs to use them.<\/p>\n
I have been going through a number of emotions this week, as you can imagine. The most dominant ones right now are anger and fear. I am angry that she is still in the hospital. I am angry because I sometimes think she doesn\u2019t really want to come home and gets in the way of her own progress. And I am afraid of what will happen once she actually does come home.<\/p>\n
I am not sleeping well, no matter where I am. Tim mentioned this morning that the tension is practically radiating off me at night. He has been worried about me, while also dealing with his own feelings for Ash. I hate that I have added more stress to him when he is already dealing with so much. For that reason, along with others, I left him a few hours ago to come home, even though I really didn\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n
Things still need to be done, though. So I keep going, keep moving. I keep doing those inane things I must do: go to work, do laundry, keep my car running.<\/p>\n
And one moment I\u2019m fine, but the next I\u2019m not. It\u2019s a shitty way to be, let me tell you. I don\u2019t wish it on anyone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m home after being gone for days. Not because I want to be, but because I need to be. That said, I have hated every minute since I stepped through my door tonight. It\u2019s horribly quiet in here, even with everything going on around me right now. It\u2019s been a week since we had Ash … Continue reading The Fear of the Unknown<\/span>